I watched Hillary’s speech today, and like many of her supporters, I cried. Halfway into the speech I started to shake uncontrollably. I had to turn it off. I sat there for a while and just took some breaths. This is not normal for me. I am a realist who faces problems and defeats head on. I have indured some debilitating physical conditions, loss of loved ones, and beat death several times; and I have done it alone, with no support. So, I am one tough cookie. But, today, I wasn’t. What happened?
I was a child raised with sexual and physical abuse. Then, I married into an abusive relationship (not unusual). As I sat calmly breathing today, flashbacks of long forgotten feelings resurfaced. This happens sometimes to PTSD survivors when personal crisis hits. You start feeling hopeless and helpless. Normally, I can work through it. Today, I couldn’t. I just got angry, frightened and wanted to coil up for comfort.
What was going on with me today? Well, tonight I worked it all through with the help of a friend who listened to me. It was that old feeling of being abused and violated. That feeling like there was not way out and that my life was going to be controlled by my abuser. I had to remind myself that those things happened to me when I was very young. I am now a very mature lady, capable of protecting myself.
And, then I thought about the Democratic Party, the media, and the Obama supporters and what they have asked me to endure this year. I have dealt with sexual harrasment, of the worst kind. I have endured coarsly insulting language from Obama supporters. I have been told that I have no worthwhile value to them, my ‘chosen party’. That they can do without me. And, worst yet, I have been told that I better sit back, shut up, and take it to prove that I am a ’good Democratic party follower’. This is the lowest form of abuse!
All the time I have been enduring this, my strength was knowing that I was fighting for something worthwhile - the election of the best candidate that the Democratic party has seen in decades, who just happens to be a woman. And, with someone by my side who was extemely strong - Hillary Clinton. So, I tolerated their behavior and their aggressiveness, just like I tolerated the abuse as a child. I did what I could, in both circumstances, to fight it off. But, a predator is incredibly strong when their goal is to force their personal power and will on you. Abuse is always about the predator having power over the victim.
When Hillary made her speech today, I immediately felt terribly alone. Like the only thing protecting me against the corruption of this political system was her strength, and now that was being taken away from me. I know she had to do this for the sake of her own life, but that did not stop the fact that I felt helpless and hopeless in the ‘blink of an eye’.
I am still garnering up my strength tonight and I know I will get better with each day. As I draw up my own political battle plan for the future, I feel a little better with each step. I am going to keep fighting for what I know is right, regardless of how tough that may be. I want to leave my grandkids a better place to live in and a country that still offers hope and opportunity to the average person, not just the elite or the corrupt or the wealthy. And, I know if I don’t keep fighting, hard, my grandkids will never have this.
Hillary is a great roll model for all of us. But, it is a scarey road we have to forge to win our battles. I realized today that she is much stronger than I am, because she has endured this form of harrassment and abuse for decades and still fought hard in the public arena. I can do it. I reminded myself of that by reading a poem that I wrote while battling cancer for two years:
Warrior by Sharon Lane
I am a Warrior.
Standing firm upon the ground that I claim as my own.
I cannot see my enemy, nor smell him, nor touch him.
I do not hear him enter the battlefield.
He is there.
Waiting patiently for me to let my shield down.
For just one moment of weakness.
I did not ask to be a Warrior.
A Fate I do not understand has chosen me.
I walk the battlefield alone.
Those that would stand firmly next to me, run in Fear.
They know my enemy’s power.
They have stood beside past Warriors.
Harsh memories of lost battles turn them away
Appalled at my own battle scars.
I do not want to look.
Yet I enter the arena each day hoping for victory.
This enemy will most likely win in the end.
But I am a Warrior, born to fight.
Each day I will put on my armor,
Raise my shield,
Ignore my scars,
And do battle alone.
I fight in memory of honored Warriors.
I raise my meager weapons against an enemy I only know by name.
Cancer.
And in the end,
live or die,
I will be victorious.
For I have stood on hallowed ground.
And embraced the spirit of a Warrior.
Copyright Sharon Lane
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I’m sad.
I cried during the middle of the speech especially when she said “whenever your knocked down, you get right back up”. I bursted into tears because this year I went through 2 surgeries which were real hard, and during that time I didn’t know what was going to happen. I had no idea what was going to happen from one moment to the next and having to go through two, just made it harder. Now, 3 months later, I am stronger than I have ever been before working out with a personal trainer when only weeks back I was sitting in a bed recovering from surgery. When Hillary said that, it just hit home with me because she would got knocked down and got right back up like I did.
When she won Texas and Ohio, it made me feel less nervous about my upcoming surgery because she gave me hope and something to distract myself from what I was about to go through. Watching her on stage today, it just felt so wrong. SHE SHOULD BE THE NOMINEE, it should be fuckin hers!!!!!!! I feel like the DNC and the media were the cause of Obama’s rise and its just sad that people were blindsided.
Now were stuck with the lesser of two evils just like in 2000. Who are we supposed to trust?? Obama??? How can we trust him when we don’t even know what he stands for!!! And his association with Bill Ayers scares me! But then we have John McCain, who’s going to keep us at war and probably make our economy worse! I feel cheated and the American people deserve better! What the hell happened!
Maybe someday we’ll understand why this all went down the way it did. But I’m not happy about it…Not at all.
Hillary is a true American patriot and i’m sorry all of those people who voted for Obama were so stupid to support him. I’m willing to bet alot of them are having doubts about him.
I don’t know who I will support. I’m going to take time to think about it
anyways, take care and God Bless Hillary Clinton and God Bless the United States.
Mike
California
Sharon, I understand. I have been there too. When you were abused as a child, you didn’t even know it was abuse, just that something was wrong… but you learned later what that meant and how it effected you. I know it has been a long journey. I am not sure I would trade that journey for innocence though, it has made me wise.
I read people really quickly and well. I am rarely wrong about them and what I see in Obama I do not like.
Hi Mike,
i am glad you are recovering from your surgeries. I was very sick last summer. I was in horrific pain and on heavy pain killers that sapped me of my strength and my brain. It was a long ordeal and it took many months to recover and get even my muscle tone back. For months even taking a shower exhausted me so much that I would sit on the edge of the tub for five minutes gasping for breath before I could even put my underwear on. I thought U was going to die. I could not figure out what the hell happened to me and I still do not really know. But it has passed though it has left me with lasting nerve damage and burning pain in my feet. Still it is endurable.
This summer is turning out very differently. I think I can endure anything and I have good friends and family who care about me and that is all that really matters.
Hillary was radiant and courageous, the only one in our nation in the position to stand up to the insurance industry, big oil, the only one to vote against Bush’s energy bill which angered GE. GE and Microsoft own the media. So, can you imagine why she got trashed in the media and pushed out? Do you think her standing tall in the face of the worst corporate monsters who have enjoyed the support of almost straight Republican Rule, flourishing for a long time, and getting their cronies entrenched. Then, don’t forget, there is always the matter of Pentagon Capitalism! As if we didn’t have enough problems.
Might all this organized sh*t have infiltrated and affected the DNC, and could something like all this have something to do with the DNC hand-picking someone like Obama?? Oh, they are so clever. But in spite of this mountain to overcome, Hillary got 18 MILLION PEOPLE TO VOTE FOR HER — during which time, there was a veritable news blackout plus she ran out of money!
This was in part thanks to Obama, and the constant riveting of our attention. It is all the more stunning that because of her inner light, and the fact Hillary was an outstanding candidate, WE WOKE UP AND SAW THROUGH THE BULLSHIT. In fact, because she was so outstanding, it made the BULLSHIT all the more glaring and obvious.
She WON!!! Never forget this. Hillary Clinton won the nomination, but it was stolen from her because it was rigged before it began. So if you’re upset, you’re supposed to be. It’s not because you got hit by a truck when you were three. If you weren’t upset, I would worry about you.
The problem is not that we are flat broke because of the economy or because we gave the campaign our last dime, but more because we are weary. It was exhausting to keep up that kind of drive and energy, riding the roller coaster for months on end, only to find that our worst fears were correct and our powerlessness in working this system was confirmed.
As we who have climbed the mountain before can attest, rest is essential, but it doesn’t take very long to get back into shape and feel renewed again. This website is excellent because we can keep in touch, share our feelings and ideas. It could well be that there REALLY IS RECOURSE. For example, while Florida and Michigan sue in the courts, we can find out how to impeach the creeps at the DNC at every level and get the rules changed. Remember, this has been going on for a long time, it’s just that we were unaware until now.
Another thing we can do is raise money and HIRE OUR OWN ORGANIZER because we are so tired and we need help from professionals who specialize in exactly this sort of problem.
So, I say let’s rest for a few days, and then start researching and emailing and calling organizers. Share what we find out, and make some decisions.
I come to this comment as one who has seen and been the recipient of rampant (not always subconscious) and implicit misogyny in the workplace. The feeling is that of being kicked in the gut, feeling invisible, and being used up just like hammer or screwdriver, then tossed aside when no longer useful or needed (or for a shinier, prettier alternative). I watched my dearest friend work earnestly and hard for an executive position at a medical school only to find out that it had all been hard-wired by the boys club behind the scenes. I don’t think she has ever completely recovered.
So yes - anger at the injustice and mistreatment, sadness that we will have to sit back and watch an all too familiar scene played out that could have been prevented by putting a more experienced and capable candidate in the job. It’s precisely because of this power-driven objectification of the other to which we Hillary supporters have been subjected that I will work to support the principles that Hillary stands for, but will not actively support Obama, if he indeed becomes the Democratic nominee. I hope you send your poem on to Senator Clinton - she gets it - she really does.
I still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch Hillary’s speech but I’ve read some of what was said. Perhaps in the days to come, I’ll be able to watch it in it’s entirety.
This whole primary season has been so disheartneing. I have been a registered Democrat since first registering to vote twenty nine years ago. I can’t begin to list the countless times I have defended the democratic platform in arguments with family and friends. I truly believed we were the party to defend and represent those who did not have a strong enough voice to represent themselves. For nearly thirty years being a Democrat was something that made me proud. I wore it like a badge of honor. Sadly, I can no longer say that. Today, I removed the “Proud American, Proudly Voting Democrat” decal from my car window. It literally left a lump in my throat as I removed it. I feel lost. I feel hurt, and I feel betrayed.
There are so many things that have happened along the way during this campaign that made me want to scream out in frustration. Why is it so difficult to actually get the most qualified candidate the presidency? Hell, we can’t even get the most qualified candidate the nomination!
The media has “had it in” for Hillary Clinton for years and they just salivated at their opportunities to bad mouth Senator Clinton with some of the most disrespectful comments ever uttered on national television or written publications. MSNBC’s Keith Olberman and Chris Matthews were relentless in their attacks, and The New York Times who had endorsed Senator Clinton in time for the New York primary, later jumped on the Obama bandwagon and became major Hillary bashers.
The system of delegate allocation also got me hot and bothered. The unfairness of it all makes the electoral college in the general election look fair. How could Senator Clinton win New Jersey by over 100,000 votes and only come up with an 11 delegate advantage over her opponent yet he could win the Kansas caucus where only 21,000 party members voted and he comes away with a 12 delegate advantage. Where is the democrats credo of fairness in that?
The Reverend Wright debacle, a hot bed issue in this campaign provided Senator Obama with an unseen advantage. It gave him a national platform to deliver, in my opinion, a less than convincing speech which was lauded as the best speech since Martin Luther King, Jr.’s I Have A Dream. The pundits were beside themselves over the eloquence of such a gifted speaker.
The constant cry of “the will of the people” also made me see red. If the superdelegates overrule the will of the people, the pundits said, Obama supporters would be livid. The last I checked, a popular vote tally represents the will of the people. A pledged delegate tally represents the will of the party. I know they like to think of Clinton supporters as undereducated (or as they have said, uneducated) but believe it or not we are not stupid!
The blatant hypocrisy of Democratic Party bigwigs like Nancy Pelosi, Howard Dean and Donna Brazile who all claimed throughout the contest to be uncommited yet made it all too obvious where their loyalties were.
Senators like Ted Kennedy, John Kerry and former senators like John Edwards had to know that Senator Clinton had the best, most detailed plans to achieve a goal to better the citizens of this nation, yet they fell in line with that tired old mantra of “Change”
Obama supporters who were disrespectful, hurtful and downright nasty to Clinton supports will learn come November what it feels like to be called such vicious names, and they will learn what it is like to have their candidate villified with such vile comments.
And what to say about Florida and Michigan. The party was too cowardly to settle this matter promptly and delayed it until the end of the primary where it would be too late to do anything about their decision. Knowing that Florida was not the fault of any democrat, orignally stripping their state of it’s delegates was an assinine move. Their resolution of Michigan was a slap in the face to Hillary Clinton and was their way of telling her, “Don’t you get it yet, we don’t want you” To give Senator Obama all of the uncommited delegates was insult enough but to award him four of hers was a disgrace.
All of these things made for a very disappointing primary season, one that I was totally looking forward to but there is one thing that has happened in this campaign that has soured me on the Democratic Party forever. They can deny it all they want, but the Obama campaign was responsible for bringing race into this primary and for smearing and sullying the reputations of two of our party’s most respected and cherished members. President Bill Clinton, the only two term Democratic President in my lifetime, and Geraldine Ferraro, the nation’s first female nominee on a major presidential ticket were both labeled racists for comments that were by no means racial in the least and our party’s leadership sat back licking their chops and permitted it. In his “historic” achievement at being handed this nomination, Barack Obama has already reached his ultimate goal of bringing change. He and his campaign are responsible for tearing our party apart. I am sick about it.