Dear Mr. Clinton,
I hope you are having a fabulous Birthday! If by chance you are celebrating your birthday on Martha's Vineyard, please tell your secret servicemen not to shoot that colorful lady in the tree! That's my mother, Granny-O!, "Secret Agent to Mother Eagle", on a mission.
As the Martha's Vineyard "Eyes and Ears of the H.C.A.", she is only doing her job. We hope she reports back that you are having a wonderful time, and that you didn't even know she was there, ( her bird calls sound more like cat calls, please ignore them). I keep telling her that her primary colors for camo defeat the purpose, but she never listens to me!
Please send a glass of champagne up to her when your party is winding down.

Cheers!
Gretchen Baer
Leader of the Hillary Clinton Army

P.S. Here are some fun photos I took of you both. I think you and Hillary are like Royalty and 70's sit-com parents, all rolled into one! Classic and groovy at the same time!




Here's one of Hillary I had over-looked till now.

Here are the trophies themselves.

Sarah Ferguson's Bloggie award, made by Chew-mee, is quite a piece of work. Note the detail and fine craftsmanship. Maybe you too can win one of these fine trophies someday, if you try hard enough.









Here's The Handy Goddess's bloggie award, which I made. Where it lacked in fine craftsmanship, I hope it made up for in love.





Much thanks to Sarah and Barbara for making their fantastic videos! Thanks Chew-mee, and the H.C.A. for participating in the fun! More fun is in store this week... just you wait and see!
Gretchen

It's lucky she's the Handy Goddess, the award wasn't meant to be in two pieces!
Thank you Handy Goddess!

Like seriously, OMG! Obama will be txting us like 2night or something! We are seriously going to be like the 1st to u know, like know who his VP or something totally is! imho i hope he doesn't call durng a body shot! lol!

...and all hell is breaking loose in Bisbee! It seems the cheers from the Hilary Clinton Army unleashed a massive flash flood on Bisbee. I took a few photos while I still could of Brewery Gulch, the street where I live. These cars are now mostly under water! The Hillcar, like her name-sake, remains on higher ground!

Away they go, in all their glory! We sure hope our Bloggie recipients enjoy them!

(Drum roll please). I'm sure you've all been biting your nails wondering just WHO is going to be the winners of the H.C.A. Bloggie awards! Well, wonder no more! The winners are Sarah ferguson for her delightful blog "Hillary real and imagined". We love your humor, your paintings, your wonderfully twisted commentary, talent at obsessing, love of Hillary, and all the laughs you bring to the H.C.A. You rock, Sarah! and... The Handy Goddess for her excellence in blog entertainment! The Handy Goddess never fails to entertain us and teach us something at the same time, which not an easy thing to do! She always has something new to share, and continues to inspire us with the creative way she goes about it. Thanks, Handy Goddess! Your hand-made trophies, one made by Chew-mee and the other by me, will be arriving in the mail this week. For the viewing audience, I will post photos of the trophies as soon as the recipients receive them. Thanks, Chew-mee! Thank you , Sarah and Handy Goddess for all you bring to the Hillary Clinton Army! Keep it coming! With love, Gretchen

Dear Hillary, After months of torturous debate, I've finally made a decision. I am going to attend the Democratic Convention! Due to high gas prices, however, I will not be driving the Hillcar. My friend Chili Cilch and I bought our plane tickets yesterday, and will be in there in Denver rooting for you! Chili and Lil' Hill. My question to you is older than John Mccain himself. It's the first question any woman asks before packing her bags. Hillary, what ever should I wear? You have often admired my "Hillsuits" ( each one is personally signed by you!). My first thought is to take my Hillsuits off ice, and bring them out in all their glory once again! But then I think, "been there, done that!". I imagine you thinking "Oh, it's that woman again, why doesn't she get a life, move on, and get some new clothes!" There's always the classic "Hillary Clinton Army Wear". This look, however, always left people scratching their heads. I could always work up an "Secret Agent for Mother Eagle" look. I'd be able to sneak around and gather important information! But then I think "Boooring!" If I'm not getting loads of attention, what is the point of even going to the convention? Hillary, I'm stumped and I really do need your help! Should I invent some new schtick, or bring out one of the old ones? Signed, Desperately seeking Hillary

Dear Gretchen, I am sorry that I did not have the opportunity to answer your question yesterday at my first live blog session with my supporters. We were overwhelmed by the number of questions that we received and so we were forced to rely on the carefully crafted questions that a small group of supporters, my staff, came up with the night before. See the reason for the live blog session was to openly reassure Senator Obama that I have embraced his covert offer to become the unofficial Ambassador to Women. As a special interest group, women, including myself, can be quite pesky in their demands, which makes me the most natural choice for "point-man" on women's issues in an Obama administration. Having said that, namely that I have subverted my ambitions in order to retain the power that I have painstakingly built, I am sure you have noticed the drastic change in my voice. Although my new voice is not new at all. It's the voice that I had during my tenure in the Senate before running for higher-office. Gretchen, you must realize that I am first and foremost a politician and a good one at that. So get with the program, drop the militancy, put on a pretty face and go with the flow. But between you and I, the voice I cultivated on the campaign trail persists in me and it requires some outlet and so I accept your offer to answer any questions your readers may have in the Hillary voice that they so desperately miss. I'll begin by answering your question. The call for a show of art inspired by me is a great idea, although I would like to curate this show. I have particular tastes, especially in how I like to be represented. Having said that, under no circumstances will Sarah Ferguson be allowed to participate in this show. To give you a sense of my aesthetics I have supplied a link to a tender song that one of my supporters wrote for me and which I have posted on my Hillary blog. Listen to this song while you envision the upcoming "Hillary" show. Let it inspire you and keep the hope of me alive in your heart and mind. Sincerely yours, Hillary

Some of you may have gotten frustrated yesterday if you played Hillary's game, "Ask me a question", on her blog. I know I did! My question was this: "Hi, I'm Gretchen, the artist that traveled around the country in my Hillary Clinton art car "The Hillcar", in support of your campaign. On the road I became very aware that you are the muse of so many artists who create Hillary-inspired art. Have you ever considered curating a national art show of "Hillary" art, either on-line or in a gallery? The sales could help retire your debt!" I never did receive an answer. I was so frustrated that I spent the afternoon dialing Hillary's staff! I annoyed them so much that they agreed to let Hillary answer our questions if I promised to stop calling! So here's our big chance... go ahead, ASK HILLARY!

Special delights await you this week in the H.C.A.! Sarah Ferguson and I hope to entertain you with "The Great Paint-Off!", which shall take place this Tuesday or Wednesday, ( date and time still undecided). This is not a contest, it's simply our idea of fun! What's more delightful than the combination of oil paint, good wine, and a great audience? We will be trading the paintings after they are dry. Sarah and I will both have a blank canvas with a Presidential seal, to confirm it's authenticity. At the same moment we shall begin painting, and at the same moment we shall end. We will be posting photo updates and commentary of our progress through-out the day. Subject matter will not be limited to Hillary, but we both are unclear as to if there is any subject more worthy. Start planning your choice of wine for this event, I know we both are! I'll post the date and time over the weekend!

Hello Gretchen, You have really done a great thing with this blog and I’m thrilled it’s back in action. And I love the idea of being nominated for your bloggie award. But I really think it’s you that deserves the award. You have created this special site. I bet if we took a vote most would choose you. Now what does the bloggie award consist of anyway? Does the winner get a mini painting in plaque format done by you? That would be outstanding. As for us Hillary supporters, it’s clear that we are 100% loyal to our candidate over the party. That is how it is with me and I’m imagining that’s how you feel too after reading some of your comments. And when I talk to other Hillary supporters the question always comes up “Do you think that the Hillary voters will back Obama?” Frankly I’m tired of that question. The only thing we need to be focusing our thoughts on now is having Hillary as the Vice President. That way their will be no question on backing Obama. Then our Mother Eagle will be that much closer to helping our country. Our thoughts are power lets make the count. Sincerely, The Handy Goddess

Jackie-O is definitely calling the Central Hall of the White House for her bedroom. So whether we like it or not, we'll be tripping through her knitting all the live-long day. Gene-O claims the main loo. No problem in my book as he'll be in the men's room, so what do I care. He warns Agent Louise that if he finds her snooping around in his domain he will turn her inside out and wear her in the mud. I would be careful if I were you Louise.

All this talk about riots at this years convention has my interest peeked one again. I'm this close to buying my plane ticket to Denver, but the Hillcar will have to sit this one out! The rumor mill is off the hook, but me spread rumors? Never! O.K., I'll tell you.... rumor has it Hillary is going to be our next Vice President! Buzz off conscience, I said it was only a rumor!

Gretchen isn't here anymore, Mrs. Torrence. She's moved into the White House with Mother Eagle.

How much do we love Sarah Ferguson and her new book, "Hilary and I", here in Bisbee, AZ? I decided to take my much coveted book, (along with my camera) to work at Cafe Roka tonight, and find out. Our Saturday night hostess helper, Julia, was intrigued... she soon fell in love. Our fellow Server Lina was slightly shy at first... but knows a great thing when she sees it. My freind Jesse, is as completely obsessed as I am! Jesse says,"If you've got time to lean, you've got time to think about Sarah!" Blogstress Emily, just back tonight from a 3 year intensive blogging road tour ... loves it! The love of my life, Shawnee, is crazy about Sarah too! Our boss, Rod Kass, loves Sarah Ferguson, .... and our sous-chef , Raoul, can't get enough! "Hillary and I" is fantastic... brilliant, and outrageous... Random hot chicks think "Hillary and I" is the bomb! ... and, thank god, it seems like even Kelly approves!

Dear Jeanne, I am sorry that I over-reacted to your request for THE QUEEN'S ROOM at the White House. Here I was, imagining you wanting to re-paper the walls in your favorite "Lady Godiva" wallpaper, and hang your seashell mobiles from the ceiling, when I'm sure you meant nothing of the sort. As I'm sure you know, THE QUEEN'S ROOM has been a sore subject in the White House for centuries. Jaws dropped when Jackie-O tried moving in, it was such a scandal that no one tried it again until 1992, when 8 year old Chelsea Clinton gave it a go against her parents knowledge. After an intensive restoration process, Chelsea's enormous crayon portraits of her cat "Socks" playing poker were but a fading memory that the Clinton's would like to forget. Chelsea was grounded in her East Bedroom for quite some time, and a lock was installed on THE QUEEN'S ROOM door. Gone, forever, was Chelsea's dreams of being a great artist, how devastating! It was very sweet of you to suggest that you instead take the Vermeil room, next to Chew-mee's China room. I know you weren't aware of the Clinton fiasco that make THE QUEEN'S ROOM a very delicate subject, and speaking on behalf of the Clintons, this is a door that they would rather not open! This brings me to another delicate matter. Chew-mee. We all love Chew-mee, but I'm not suggesting you room next to him/her. Chew-mee's eel dancing can get more than a little out-of-hand, and heaven knows s/he can paaarty all night long. The company Chew-mee keeps may not be the sort that you will feel comfortable sleeping near without body guards and dead bolts. Whomever takes the Vermeil room needs to have a fondness for eel dancing, Red Bull Sake bombers, prostitutes and drug-addicted street people. Oh, and did I mention the unbearable stench of rotting eels? I think you would vastly prefer being tucked in by Mother Eagle to being barricaded into the Vermeil room! On this note, Jeanne, I hope you consider the East Bedroom, Chelsea's old bed room. Located close to the Master Bedroom, the Clinton's are used to padding over late at night and peeking in. They did it for Chelsea, I'm sure they will do the same for you. I too will be on this floor, as well as Louise. We would enjoy your company, and I think you would find the peace and quiet you seek. We will also put you in charge of the key to THE QUEEN'S ROOM, so that you might tottle over once and a while and experience the joys of Royalty. Sincerely, Gretchen Baer

We of the Hillary Clinton Army must always think one step ahead of the crowd. Let the rest of the world believe Barrack Obama will soon be moving into the White House... we know the truth! That's why we are choosing our White House bedrooms now. We think Hillary will be so pleased with us after we help her regain what is rightfully hers, that she will ask us to live with her in the White House. So while the others dream about "hope" and all that hogwash, we are busy picking out swatches of fabric, colors of paint, and new curtains for our new home with Hillary in the White House! As "Big Brass" of the H.C.A., I have chosen the "President's Den" as my bedroom. Considered "the extra room" by some , many presidents used it as a separate bedroom to the Master Suite. The President's Den shares a bathroom and dressing room with the Presidential Master Bedroom. I hope Bill and Hillary don't get mad when I use all of their hair conditioner! The White House bedrooms are going fast! Louise has already called the Lincoln room. In her mind she is already there, snacking on "Pop Secrets" and watching "Free Willy"! Chew-mee had laid claim to the China room. The Farm House in the back grounds of the White House has been claimed by Sarah Ferguson. So do you homework and get your room... there's not a moment to waste!